Positioning and placing, you just may find yourself where you never thought you would be because the future is so vague
The journey continues as we head in to taking positions, we realize that the past wont always affect the future, it doesn't matter where you are from, it matters where you are going, you just need to know where, though you don't always know, life happens. Everyday presents new possibilities, just as the journey in the past has shown that what you see is not what you will get, what you think you are is not you will always be but if the shoe fits feel free to wear it. There will always be chances to start over and a chance to create paths that haven't been made yet. for others they are living in moments far greater than their wildest imaginations, while for others they are living less than what their dreams imagined they would
Just the other day, I was the fat kid in the estate, couldn't play bladder, always failed at number three, famously known as mtatu, so play wasn't my favorite, and now I cant stop playing, Lol. My aunties called me headmistress, coz i looked like a headmistress when I walked with other children, I was tall and blessed widthwise, But I still fit in, I haven't really been an outsider I have always found a way to be in between, people like to call that average, I call it convenient, that is I could easily fall on either side of the fence whenever convenient. I was barely invisible, thanks to the size and the big mouth, I could talk, yes I was the kid who answered all the questions in class even the wrong ones. I was front front ha ha.
For those of you who have been in the rural schools, you know that when one comes in to a rural school from the city, they automatically become stars, so I automatically became one, a headgirl actually, though I was not prefect material, apparently was intelligent, I never stopped talking, so I was a teachers pet, they always said I would be a lawyer, they'd be surprised am in something different all together far from it,lol, I knew a lot of things, a lot actually and had little drama mostly with the nuns coz i never stopped talking even when I was not supposed to, like in the dorms instead of sleeping I would be telling stories. I was unaware of being a girl, but strangely I had the walk, i guess a part of me was aware, I wouldn't quite say I have ever been a Tomboy, I never was, I had short hair though, that was so hard to comb that I think I never combed it, judging by the pictures, or maybe I did. Maybe my concern at that point was education, and my little crash that lasted from class six all the way to class eight, who has those, thats like an ever lasting crash, it almost sounds like love, but yak imagine a class eight saying they are in love, so disgusting right, so it wasn't love. I was the book warm, when all other kids were mingling and coupling I was the reader, I would read sweetvalley, Nancy drew files, Famous five and study. Infarct I would wake up at 3.00 am and read using a torch.And more so I was religious too, I could preach a whole sermon and would lead Rosary in school, the whole of it, all fifty hail marys, I said them all
Then come high school, where everyone who was perfect in their primary meets, where everyone who was a head girl in their school or was a pretty girl in their school meets, one can disappear in to thin air. I was simple,infarct for all the four years I did lines, though I had a short dress, which was my lucky dress and was super active in talent show and passed french, answered many questions in class again and I wrote too and I sung too and sometimes off key, was cheering very hard on sports days and swimming gala and thats more or less it.oh yes I acted and did poetry as well, but outside school I think I just went to church and came back home and was mostly indoors, I think my relationship then, was my life and that would be in most of my conversations, talk about a neighborhood without age mates you naturally learn to love self company.
I wasn't the girl who would skive in the middle of the night to go out. Am really trying to remember what I did in high school that was adventurers but cant, other than spending all my free times being escorted home, I would say I did not do much, i was not in chagua la teeniz and my school didn't do music fests.One thing I did for sure was laugh and laugh, imitate shrubs, imitate people and many many stories, well at least I really laughed at people falling, at peoples dressing funny, alot of talking about television shows like Tyra and Oprah, I was a girl, but really???how did that add any value to life, no it didnt, it just leaves you with pleasant memories and strong friendships. people thought I was clever, well since I wasnt going out, I was reading. And since I was always saying something people assumed I knew alot until results are put on the notice board and alas kumbe this girl just talks, thats it. So i was in the group of almost clever people who always talked about passing, before I joined the group of people who laugh and laugh about everything, am glad I did, life is not all that serious, and those remain my close friends to date.
Come campus, one may find this strange, even before I could say a word, I was judged immediately. well Iv come to a conclusion that when people are lazy to get to know you, they conclude and assume. So my friend and I were both thought to be blonds, though as you know my hair is very black and so is my friends, so they didn't mean the blond with goldish hair, it was more like the not so clever girl.well judging from that history I am not blond,i have never been,just coz I dont get certain jokes, well most of them. Well what i know for sure just coz someone is not funny they dont need to call me blond to make themselves feel better about their low sense of humor.lol. But the shoe fit perfectly so I wore it. Especially to those who didnt bother to dig deep, I became the blond and I think I did a good job. Actually I was introduced to new blonds every semester,"here is someone more blond than you" well it hurt a bit initially coz remeber I was intelligent!!!!!!, I was number two at some point in my life, but I learnt to embrace it. Campus turned me in to a blond and a blond I became, i enjoyed it a bit too much, that I even started believing it, I even bought those tops to show that i embraced it.
well, I dont deny the first impression you make when you enter anywhere matters. this explains it, the bag below is to blame for alot of the things. I think its the bag. well who will you blame if you come on the first day looking like a tourist, no wonder they thought I wasn't Kenyan
More than the bag above, I think campus made me live the dream, maybe far more than I ever imagined. I lived it all, if there was something and it was happening, I was in it. For all that time i lived intelligent when I could have lived beautiful. In the midst of it, and this would not have been real, had it not been for these ladies, Joyce, Diane, Alex, Gathoni(who are inspiring my online novel coming soon) for the first years, Alan and Moses,Mel(My brothers by force) and my other brothers from since freshman year(Bet, Caleb, Patroba, Eddie,Matto and Geoffery,Theophilus, Seth and the list goes on and on) they were like the big brothers I never had and many more who made earth a little heaven. Well Doulos mostly did it for me(everyone in Doulos) and coast trips and the culture we started of sitting at freedom corner. I think in the first two years were it for me.
Then there comes Athiriver campus, Athi is a big big school, like so huuuuuuge, well so it seemed, talking about disappearing in to thin air, I did. I was the full introvert now, i spent alot of time in patience or the comp lab. Its like within a click of a second I was back to the indoor girl in high school (thats when my relationship with social media begun) and I learned that what made me all out is my friends, they bring out the extrovert in me and create a world without limitation for a minute because they are passionate about life and just being with them I can even climb Kilimanjaro which seems like an impossibilty in my mind, so it boils down to who you surround yourself with, you will be surprised what friends do in your life. Well in Athi I had Portia, Shelly, Jotham, Edwin, Peris, Karemi, Wambu, Rosy, Nyambu, Mo and many more who were part of the moments in athi, My salsa patners Martin and Kombo, My shine co host Esther,Alyssa My Roomie.so I wasnt locked in 247, no.
I had a choice of being with a crowd that all they did was complain about campus and what it didn t have, instead of seeing what they could get from it. There was the other choice of being fake and pretending to be who I never was or never will be and live life like it is a stage when its not. There was a choice of being with crowds that would mislead in to terrains that can mess your life permanently, that includes clande vybe, but I chose a couple of dramatic people who loved life and brought life in to every area they walked in. People who birthed hope in to every dream they carried and laughed at every special moment . And that was my position then. Knowing that life is about taking the best of what you can get, and it always has been for me, though campus I gave it all from me, theres is nothing I wanted to do that I didnt do. I think my money was well spent and my time was well spent, and if I did ever go back I would do the same things I did at least i didn't get an F,lol.
So now, my position, hmmm, like I have been telling everyone, am like a housewife in practice. I wake in the morning clean up and cook and once in a while i watch TV, i finally watched gossip girl season 4. and then sometimes I come here and write and then I will leave for phoenix in the evening and act. Then tomorrow I will wake up and dance crazy and will send my CVs to some organization and will think of business ideas or something. It is a season of waiting and searching, and finally I will find my perfect position that will fit perfectly, usually in prayer am saying please may the job I find be fun and exiting, please God let it not be boring, I cant survive.. meanwhile the furthest I can stretch is teach French and Photography, acting and then when other pairs of shoes come I will wear them and somehow I will make the best of what I have until I turn these simple dreams in to realities. Well am done with playing blond am back to intelligent me for the purpose of a job, so that season is over, one more dream and chance to be blond, I really want to go to coast, its like a craving.
About positions I know alot of people have found theirs, others like me are getting theirs slowly arent sure yet, others are living the dream and others are being pressured to get in to somewhere and make money, I know it is right and very neccessary and we live in a society where ranks are a big deal. Every level we found ourselves having to compete, especially for primary, there were either two goals, either you strive to be number one, or you strive not to be last People always expect that the number one guy will be the total success and the number last will be a total flop, until the future comes and roles are reversed and the guy who wasnt number one is your employer.
I keep saying the future has many possibilities and true it does, a friend of mine says people peak at different times and you will be surprised with the turn of events. So I saw from my own life, life is full of surprises, some pleasant, some unpleasant but we learn to work with what we have :) at least the present is more certain than what we hope the future will be.
I feel or rather I strongly believe that there is room for each of us somewhere and each of us will find our perfect fit. The diversity that exist in this world is so surprising that really there is no possibility of missing a place even in simple things, I am thinking I want to be a farmer also.somewhere as long as you know yourself, who you are, what you are good at, your potential and not in comparison to anyone but to your greatest potential. I strongly believe that when you find your place the only person you may have to compete with is yourself as our differences make this world just what it is. The beauty about life is when you live to your greatest potential is when true satisfaction comes in.
The level of the playing field is not the same, It never has, and sometimes its not that obvious. Some people will enter a room and the aura around them will get them a job, some people will just smile a bit and someone will fall in love with that smile, Others will stand before millions of people and say words that will inspire them and they will be millionaires through that, others will have those melting eyes that people look at and want to stare in to the longer. Others will make money for being beautiful all they need to do is pose and smile. Other will read longer than others and still fail an exam; others will not read and pass and you are like ala, unfair, others will settle for simple lives and be amazing mothers and they will be hero in their children's eyes, Others were perfect failures in maths but have the greatest business Ideas that will make them entrepreneurs,others will crack a joke that will make you laugh that you will have to pay them to make you laugh. they probably were the craziest jokers before, but when you see that position only you can fill, then you have a chance to make a mark. I wanted to be an Oprah in Africa, but Oprahs position was already taken by her, I just need to find mine, and its as simple as knowing what I am good at in comparison to what I have done before and what I am capable of doing, so life has taught me. It only gets bad when you try to be someone else, it kinda backfires because everyones journey is different some royals are born, some are made.. You just need to know which one you are, what you have, what you need to get you there and hope for the best. Am sure you will find that when you get there you will realize the journey was worth it and there is no pleasure in being average but in making the best of the best.
Just the other day, I was the fat kid in the estate, couldn't play bladder, always failed at number three, famously known as mtatu, so play wasn't my favorite, and now I cant stop playing, Lol. My aunties called me headmistress, coz i looked like a headmistress when I walked with other children, I was tall and blessed widthwise, But I still fit in, I haven't really been an outsider I have always found a way to be in between, people like to call that average, I call it convenient, that is I could easily fall on either side of the fence whenever convenient. I was barely invisible, thanks to the size and the big mouth, I could talk, yes I was the kid who answered all the questions in class even the wrong ones. I was front front ha ha.
For those of you who have been in the rural schools, you know that when one comes in to a rural school from the city, they automatically become stars, so I automatically became one, a headgirl actually, though I was not prefect material, apparently was intelligent, I never stopped talking, so I was a teachers pet, they always said I would be a lawyer, they'd be surprised am in something different all together far from it,lol, I knew a lot of things, a lot actually and had little drama mostly with the nuns coz i never stopped talking even when I was not supposed to, like in the dorms instead of sleeping I would be telling stories. I was unaware of being a girl, but strangely I had the walk, i guess a part of me was aware, I wouldn't quite say I have ever been a Tomboy, I never was, I had short hair though, that was so hard to comb that I think I never combed it, judging by the pictures, or maybe I did. Maybe my concern at that point was education, and my little crash that lasted from class six all the way to class eight, who has those, thats like an ever lasting crash, it almost sounds like love, but yak imagine a class eight saying they are in love, so disgusting right, so it wasn't love. I was the book warm, when all other kids were mingling and coupling I was the reader, I would read sweetvalley, Nancy drew files, Famous five and study. Infarct I would wake up at 3.00 am and read using a torch.And more so I was religious too, I could preach a whole sermon and would lead Rosary in school, the whole of it, all fifty hail marys, I said them all
Then come high school, where everyone who was perfect in their primary meets, where everyone who was a head girl in their school or was a pretty girl in their school meets, one can disappear in to thin air. I was simple,infarct for all the four years I did lines, though I had a short dress, which was my lucky dress and was super active in talent show and passed french, answered many questions in class again and I wrote too and I sung too and sometimes off key, was cheering very hard on sports days and swimming gala and thats more or less it.oh yes I acted and did poetry as well, but outside school I think I just went to church and came back home and was mostly indoors, I think my relationship then, was my life and that would be in most of my conversations, talk about a neighborhood without age mates you naturally learn to love self company.
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| My cheering tool |
I wasn't the girl who would skive in the middle of the night to go out. Am really trying to remember what I did in high school that was adventurers but cant, other than spending all my free times being escorted home, I would say I did not do much, i was not in chagua la teeniz and my school didn't do music fests.One thing I did for sure was laugh and laugh, imitate shrubs, imitate people and many many stories, well at least I really laughed at people falling, at peoples dressing funny, alot of talking about television shows like Tyra and Oprah, I was a girl, but really???how did that add any value to life, no it didnt, it just leaves you with pleasant memories and strong friendships. people thought I was clever, well since I wasnt going out, I was reading. And since I was always saying something people assumed I knew alot until results are put on the notice board and alas kumbe this girl just talks, thats it. So i was in the group of almost clever people who always talked about passing, before I joined the group of people who laugh and laugh about everything, am glad I did, life is not all that serious, and those remain my close friends to date.
Come campus, one may find this strange, even before I could say a word, I was judged immediately. well Iv come to a conclusion that when people are lazy to get to know you, they conclude and assume. So my friend and I were both thought to be blonds, though as you know my hair is very black and so is my friends, so they didn't mean the blond with goldish hair, it was more like the not so clever girl.well judging from that history I am not blond,i have never been,just coz I dont get certain jokes, well most of them. Well what i know for sure just coz someone is not funny they dont need to call me blond to make themselves feel better about their low sense of humor.lol. But the shoe fit perfectly so I wore it. Especially to those who didnt bother to dig deep, I became the blond and I think I did a good job. Actually I was introduced to new blonds every semester,"here is someone more blond than you" well it hurt a bit initially coz remeber I was intelligent!!!!!!, I was number two at some point in my life, but I learnt to embrace it. Campus turned me in to a blond and a blond I became, i enjoyed it a bit too much, that I even started believing it, I even bought those tops to show that i embraced it.
well, I dont deny the first impression you make when you enter anywhere matters. this explains it, the bag below is to blame for alot of the things. I think its the bag. well who will you blame if you come on the first day looking like a tourist, no wonder they thought I wasn't Kenyan
More than the bag above, I think campus made me live the dream, maybe far more than I ever imagined. I lived it all, if there was something and it was happening, I was in it. For all that time i lived intelligent when I could have lived beautiful. In the midst of it, and this would not have been real, had it not been for these ladies, Joyce, Diane, Alex, Gathoni(who are inspiring my online novel coming soon) for the first years, Alan and Moses,Mel(My brothers by force) and my other brothers from since freshman year(Bet, Caleb, Patroba, Eddie,Matto and Geoffery,Theophilus, Seth and the list goes on and on) they were like the big brothers I never had and many more who made earth a little heaven. Well Doulos mostly did it for me(everyone in Doulos) and coast trips and the culture we started of sitting at freedom corner. I think in the first two years were it for me.
Then there comes Athiriver campus, Athi is a big big school, like so huuuuuuge, well so it seemed, talking about disappearing in to thin air, I did. I was the full introvert now, i spent alot of time in patience or the comp lab. Its like within a click of a second I was back to the indoor girl in high school (thats when my relationship with social media begun) and I learned that what made me all out is my friends, they bring out the extrovert in me and create a world without limitation for a minute because they are passionate about life and just being with them I can even climb Kilimanjaro which seems like an impossibilty in my mind, so it boils down to who you surround yourself with, you will be surprised what friends do in your life. Well in Athi I had Portia, Shelly, Jotham, Edwin, Peris, Karemi, Wambu, Rosy, Nyambu, Mo and many more who were part of the moments in athi, My salsa patners Martin and Kombo, My shine co host Esther,Alyssa My Roomie.so I wasnt locked in 247, no.
 |
| Patience hostel where I spend three quarter of my time |
I had a choice of being with a crowd that all they did was complain about campus and what it didn t have, instead of seeing what they could get from it. There was the other choice of being fake and pretending to be who I never was or never will be and live life like it is a stage when its not. There was a choice of being with crowds that would mislead in to terrains that can mess your life permanently, that includes clande vybe, but I chose a couple of dramatic people who loved life and brought life in to every area they walked in. People who birthed hope in to every dream they carried and laughed at every special moment . And that was my position then. Knowing that life is about taking the best of what you can get, and it always has been for me, though campus I gave it all from me, theres is nothing I wanted to do that I didnt do. I think my money was well spent and my time was well spent, and if I did ever go back I would do the same things I did at least i didn't get an F,lol.
So now, my position, hmmm, like I have been telling everyone, am like a housewife in practice. I wake in the morning clean up and cook and once in a while i watch TV, i finally watched gossip girl season 4. and then sometimes I come here and write and then I will leave for phoenix in the evening and act. Then tomorrow I will wake up and dance crazy and will send my CVs to some organization and will think of business ideas or something. It is a season of waiting and searching, and finally I will find my perfect position that will fit perfectly, usually in prayer am saying please may the job I find be fun and exiting, please God let it not be boring, I cant survive.. meanwhile the furthest I can stretch is teach French and Photography, acting and then when other pairs of shoes come I will wear them and somehow I will make the best of what I have until I turn these simple dreams in to realities. Well am done with playing blond am back to intelligent me for the purpose of a job, so that season is over, one more dream and chance to be blond, I really want to go to coast, its like a craving.
 |
| My food in my home practise |
About positions I know alot of people have found theirs, others like me are getting theirs slowly arent sure yet, others are living the dream and others are being pressured to get in to somewhere and make money, I know it is right and very neccessary and we live in a society where ranks are a big deal. Every level we found ourselves having to compete, especially for primary, there were either two goals, either you strive to be number one, or you strive not to be last People always expect that the number one guy will be the total success and the number last will be a total flop, until the future comes and roles are reversed and the guy who wasnt number one is your employer.
I keep saying the future has many possibilities and true it does, a friend of mine says people peak at different times and you will be surprised with the turn of events. So I saw from my own life, life is full of surprises, some pleasant, some unpleasant but we learn to work with what we have :) at least the present is more certain than what we hope the future will be.
I feel or rather I strongly believe that there is room for each of us somewhere and each of us will find our perfect fit. The diversity that exist in this world is so surprising that really there is no possibility of missing a place even in simple things, I am thinking I want to be a farmer also.somewhere as long as you know yourself, who you are, what you are good at, your potential and not in comparison to anyone but to your greatest potential. I strongly believe that when you find your place the only person you may have to compete with is yourself as our differences make this world just what it is. The beauty about life is when you live to your greatest potential is when true satisfaction comes in.
The level of the playing field is not the same, It never has, and sometimes its not that obvious. Some people will enter a room and the aura around them will get them a job, some people will just smile a bit and someone will fall in love with that smile, Others will stand before millions of people and say words that will inspire them and they will be millionaires through that, others will have those melting eyes that people look at and want to stare in to the longer. Others will make money for being beautiful all they need to do is pose and smile. Other will read longer than others and still fail an exam; others will not read and pass and you are like ala, unfair, others will settle for simple lives and be amazing mothers and they will be hero in their children's eyes, Others were perfect failures in maths but have the greatest business Ideas that will make them entrepreneurs,others will crack a joke that will make you laugh that you will have to pay them to make you laugh. they probably were the craziest jokers before, but when you see that position only you can fill, then you have a chance to make a mark. I wanted to be an Oprah in Africa, but Oprahs position was already taken by her, I just need to find mine, and its as simple as knowing what I am good at in comparison to what I have done before and what I am capable of doing, so life has taught me. It only gets bad when you try to be someone else, it kinda backfires because everyones journey is different some royals are born, some are made.. You just need to know which one you are, what you have, what you need to get you there and hope for the best. Am sure you will find that when you get there you will realize the journey was worth it and there is no pleasure in being average but in making the best of the best.
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