The Bachelarette and her Bachelors

Bachelorete is not a word that exist in dictionaries; I choose to define it as a girl who has reached the age for possibly getting in to an agreement with a life long partner. So she is legal.In the G language they say "amaiva"

Well I realized recently that I was legal, when my mum stopped asking me "who is that" when speaking on phone, and she no longer gives young men dagger eyes because she suspected them of lusting after her daughter. 

It is no wonder that I was not surprised when I became a prayer request...LOL, I found this so funny. This is how it happened. I never knew it would happen so soon already..... So we were at that point when I was in my mums car at the back seat when her friends came. Then the story of weddings begins, and alas I was right there, how that story turned to my direction I do not know.

"now yours is next"......lol. Has your heart frozen ever, mine did. In a short while people broke in to prayers praying for my husband, who I do not know. I am grateful much much. Now though I almost broke in to laughter, they made me aware that haiya this issue is serious by the way I should stop jokes.  And they actually said, "I hope we have not given you pressure" In my head I was thinking of course you have given me pressure, you have insinuated it.

Hmmmm, A friend of mine asked me how come Iv gone for many many dates, even intolerable ones, which is crazy. I feel like I have been on 90 dates already. well truth is I used to see potential in many people. While people said there are no good guys I used to see they are good guys in disguise  until I learned theres a reason why there is special selection.


Now the Bachelor

Recently when me and my girlfriends opted to have one of our usual evening meet ups, and were laughing at almost everything, a group of Boys decided that we have been spotted. Well though this happens often when you are a group of girls sited together; apparently it has been proven that a group of men or women together look prettier or more handsome when they are in a group, that is why grooms men will always look stunning..

So their proposition was that we go out to where they were standing.ha ha, really, does that even sound right, how cheap would it look, for all of us six ladies to just walk out and join the gentlemen outside. First of all they were lying that they are pilots and doctors when we could clearly see they were in college still. so this was their statement, "it has never been this hard to talk to ladies", anyway the conversation ended up in some of us being called cock blockers etc, still though, it was an interesting adventure to have a group of bachelors or pretending to be bachelors surrounding our table trying to get our attention. I recently read an article that described such groups as a conventry of witches, lol, i think we do have some bitter dudes as well.

Truth is those guys qualified, they were good looking, decent, well dressed and cultured, and had mild good sense of humor and they didn't look broke, they couldn't be, though they were young that's for sure. I think they have so much more to learn, that you do not walk to a group of girls and ask them to join you, you join them, and then always know there will always be blockers, so you dont walk to a group, you walk to the one who motivated you to move from your seat, not the whole group, because when you do that, you are insinuating anything goes. No sane girl wants to feel they are anything that goes, it also saves you drama of any of the girls shouting at the top of their voice hinting you need to leave. I bet they were surprised when we asked them what is their vision for us is.ha ha ha, they really did not expect that question.

True at some point all the above characteristics passed.waaaar, first of all if a guy was funny, he slipped his way to your heart somehow.But after 90 dates(all the way form nursery), the bachelorette knows better, the list gets narrower, the number of those who qualify reduces by so much, as she looks in to her past she knows what works and what does not, by now already. The list is simple, a friend, a priest and someone you look up to.

Perfection

How does the list get to this simple when it used to be; funny, a pilot/engeneer/doctor etc, tall, dark and handsome, eloquent, build with some packs kind of like super man, with a smile like Taye diggs, eyes like Terrance Howard and his name is probably Maurice, he speaks french, plays a sport, loves art, literature, plays an instrument, has an incredible voice, smells good, amazing with my friends, a good listener, cooks, a better listener, he know s what you are about to say, and if you are angry, he can read your mind, and preferably went to saint Mary's highschoool,..well its simple, you grow up!!!. After your heart has been tossed up like a yoyo, you learn that you have nothing to prove to the world, really you don't. Its that point that you do not go to your friends for approval on the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you develop your mums taste, you want your dad to love your choice,lol. You stop jumping from one end to another in pursuit of filling the emptiness from within. You learn to fill it, you make the most noise, you dance to music like you will never hear the sound of it again, and you treasure family and friendships. You realize the basis of life becomes beautiful relationships etc.. That's why you can actually fall in love with someone who shrubs major because they get you, you get them. Gatho, it would never have occurred when we were 16.

Growth Changes so much in people, you could actually sit in a restaurant by yourself like no one is watching and you are least bothered.

You learn there are people worth waiting for. the ones who bring out the best in you, and not one who dictates you got to change, you have got to be smart, you have to be funny, you have to get along with so and so, you have to know politics, you have to have your nails like this, you have to ...., you have to...... et..c. After all the drama, you realize you don't like drama as you thought you did.

In the process you might have met the Bachelor prospects below....

Well the phases of growth are strange, interesting and one experience can be life changing, and though at some point you are this little girl with relationship drama everywhere, every minute; the times your eyes swell, turn red, you discover shades. it makes growing up seem like the hardest thing ever. but they say "To be old & wise, you must first have to be young & stupid" and so when you grow up, you learn the power that comes with that. and now you are at that point you laugh at the kind of people you have met

You probably have  met the lier, who lies about everything, about his job, about his relationship status, the one who declares is single and is in a relationship. you do not know what is true anymore.

then there is the one who takes you to heaven and bring you to hell, the one hard to get over, because he was all you ever wanted. He has all the power that you gave him. The one who makes you feel helpless, almost desperate. And you could almost blame yourself for his mistakes.sigh!!!!.wololo, this one is a ten nil, because he overturns your life for a minute.

Then you have probably met the guy who reminds you of the guy you couldn't get over and now you are over, and have learned those kind of people are for tricks, they are bad news. So you flee sooner than later. protecting your petite heart. gatho, you can not have a phase two of the same story, especially if you are smart.

Then you probably met the one who is a self confessed commitment phobic. your instincts tell you ruuuuuuuun. He is the kind you drag to the alter and spend the rest of your life chasing after him, you don't need that. Fixers love this kind of man. True by now all of us have learned skills that work on how to tame him, but for how long do you wanna have a test for a marriage. I care about the story I will give my grand children, It has to read like this "your grandfather sooooooooooought for me" and not that I sought him, you get.

You have probably met the one who defines, Hyena. wololo, now this one cannot even for a second be left with any of your friends. He will start the party, he will hit on them to a point of no return. Your instincts tell you, he will not even be safe with the Mboch,  that is bad news, you don't  need that drama. My pals told me, if you have to keep your house help far from your man, you need to ask yourself, what kind of man is this I have married.

Then you probably met the one who shouts your name on the road brings you flowers, could even cry for you and you loose him to the heavens and you spend the rest of your life hoping one day you will meet someone just as perfect as that, because he was your soul mate, he was it, he never had a chance to take you through hell and even if he had that chance he would not do it. And if you could bring him to life you would, because until this point he is still the best thing that happened to you. He made you see that world world of possibilities.

Then you meet the one who thinks you like him, and is so sure, so he pulls random behaviors because in his head he believes you have a crush on him and you don't really, you are just really kind, but if you werent, you would like to tell him "please stop behaving like a class eight boy". Lol, you learn to avoid them, because those are the ones who end up telling people you stalk them.. I think people generally love to be stalked, so even when they are not stalked they will insist they are being stalked.


And then you probably go through the phase when you conclude, sembuse this African man is not it, the answer to my dreams is a white man.  you feel that a white man will love you better. The you realize, maybe It not the dude who is the problem, I may be the problem, you start reading articles on how to get him and keep him. Everyone has a manual on how you can do this, even fellow single ladies, hopeless dudes who feel they are it write and blog on dos and donts, give you all the advice in the world, they have no idea., they have no clue. they teach you how to tolerate bad manners and how to accommodate it, because ladies are supposed to be perfect from home which I agree, but you have to mould your man to make him what you want him to be, why does he have to be moulded, why cant he come complete..LOL, draaaaaama. Society has changed, my grandma didn't teach me that. She didnt teach me that I have to pull a desperate at the expense of whatever I have to loose, including my fairy tale story, including a chance to be treated right. Alot of women and men have forgotten how to treat each other right. Hurt people hurt others, thats true. Before we know it, we have generations producing hurt children, kind of like a broken society.

Anyway back to the topic: Couldn't growing up seem harder, couldn't dreams shutter further, then one time you grow up, and your eyes are wide open, and you see you, for who you were made. You learn that your value is priceless, and you learn that your value comes not from without, it comes from within. "It is within that your bliss will be found. There will you remember once again Who You Are" And the Bachelor who deserves the little heart of yours is the one who sees the piece of you that no man has seen. Then you actually ask yourself, really did it take 90 dates to see this.

Then you realize that you have probably met him before, you have watched stars together, you have laughed at silliest things, you have talked sooo long on phone, but he has never had the guts to take advantage of you, but you didn't see it, and so in pursuit of ambition and gold digging, you left the antelop for the squrrel, you ignored those glances and complements and the close to moments he was about to say something and you started a random story coz you were afraid. yOu probably ignored the sacrifices. Because you are afraid that if you think about this, you will ruin the greatest friendships ever. and then one day you wake up to the reality that you met the one and lost the one when chasing the one who qualified but didn't make you feel the way the one makes you feel: yourself, unchanged, unedited, raw, with all your flaws, with the piece of big cookie in your mouth and he still thinks you are cute. And then you realized that was indeed the most qualified bachelor for you and you did not even think about it, or you thought about it but you stopped that thought.

Truth is, you will never have guts, and much as you are older, you don't know everything really, but you are sure what you want. Lol, and still at this point people feel they can shout their proposal across the road as you walk, or others hinting, or others waiting for a ceremony to say it, or sometimes you have to choose coz you have surplus and then there times of drought, hakuna any, in my culture they call it Ukame, and you begin new friendships meet new people.LOL, life has interesting seasons doesn't it, but you have to face every season with a smile until the time "Utaonekaniwa" meaning, to be seen for

Growth is truly the most beautiful thing ever, most things do make sense, you choose your battles, you enjoy times coz life is made of moments.